In a surprising turn of events, I became quite attached to a pair of camo print cargo pants. In fact, I’ve barely taken them off all week, wearing them with everything from cashmere sweaters to pretty blouses and cotton t-shirts. This is a surprising turn of events because I’ve had a bit of an aversion to camo ever since my husband and I got together. Back in 2003. When we first met, he was crazy about camo – wearing camo pants, a camo shirt, a camo jacket, and I’m pretty sure he also owned camo sneakers. It was like meeting a giant Action Man.

Anyway, he managed to wean me off of it himself, and aside from a lovely cotton jacket I got from Hush a few years ago, I’ve more or less avoided camouflage in its ubiquitous ‘various shades of green’ form. So far.

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Is it the cut of these Me+Em Cargo Pants* which I love, the way they just fall in such a relaxed way from the hip? Or have I finally realized that these many and varied muted shades of green all mixed together make a print that is extremely easy on the eye? There’s a saying that ‘leopard is neutral’ – and I agree – but camo is even better at blending seamlessly into the background. (Quite literally. It’s designed to be completely neutral when you think about it—as long as you’re standing in a dense forest or lying in the bushes.)

Me + Em Camo Cargo Pants, here* and olive sweater, here*

I think both the cut and the print make me love them. And maybe a touch of nostalgia. The pants make me feel like I’ve gone back in time and made my way to the fifth member of Halloween. They give me a firm belief that I can handle any physical challenge, despite the fact that I have the upper body strength of a two-month-old baby. When I wear them they totally change my demeanor – I was positively walking around London in them the other day, actively channeling Bruce Willis at die Hard. I felt the urge to do a little parkour every time I passed steps or crossed a bridge, and when my train was held up on the tracks outside Paddington without explanation, I was more than willing to open the window between the cars, the Commando got out and saved my own. you are skin.

Worn with a Sézane T-shirt, here*

I’ve also found that I’m getting fanned out, which I’d say is the only downside to these cargo pants. I couldn’t sit in a chair without my knees at least eighty centimeters apart, which is quite the angle I can tell you. It’s not a foot position one would normally assume unless they were doing calisthenics or something vaguely gynecological.

Or they have a penis. Because it seems to be an unwritten rule that if you have a penis, you should spread your legs wide to give it enough room to breathe – it shouldn’t be crowded – and to allow enough cooling air to circulate around it easily and efficiently. (The ratio appears to be one cubic meter of air space for every six inches of penis, although I must admit that my scientific research in this area has a rather flawed methodology. Namely, the fact that I am only assuming.)

I don’t have a penis, but I still find myself stretching out in the camo pants. I’m getting ready for the imaginary parkour I’m about to do, stretching my old hamstrings. It must be a side effect of the camo print because I just can’t close my knees while wearing it, they seem to repel each other.

And that’s not the only worrying development: I also find myself constantly tempted to use the extra pockets in cargo pants. The ones in the middle of the leg. Quelle horreur! Obviously, I’ve done my best to resist, even though they’re the perfect practical substitute for a handbag: credit cards in one knee pocket, iPhone in the other. You could put a paperback in there to make you cry. But I shouldn’t admit it – I’m not Bear Grylls. I don’t want to wake up one day and find that I’ve booked a solo bivouac expedition to the Peruvian mountains just so I can fill my many pockets with foil blankets, balls of twine, and endless boxes of water purification tablets.

That’s where the madness lies.

Anyway, I really like the pants. I instantly warm to any outfit that can be worn with sneakers and won’t shrink in the wash, but these are definitely something special. They have a chic cut (I mean, they’re Me+Em, so of course they do) and go beautifully with my more delicate tops, as well as the ever-helpful chunky knits.

Worn with MABE Apparel blouse, last season

You can find Camo Cargo Pants at Me+Em here* – they’ll look great in the spring, with a t-shirt and a little Chanel bouclé jacket, and they’ll work all summer, on all but the hottest days, with a sporty ribbed top and flip flops. A suitable year-round wardrobe item. One size down unless you like super baggy stuff – I’m wearing a UK8 here and it’s usually a 10-12.

Read more fashion posts…

Worn with an Arket Cashmere Sweater, here* and Fitflop Rally Knit sneakers, here*

I think the aforementioned “character-changing clothing” warrants further discussion: is there a certain type of clothing that makes you behave in a completely different way? If I wear cowboy boots, for example, I definitely have more feathering when I walk. If I ever wear knee socks, I can’t help but speak in a child’s voice. Please say it’s not just me…